Remember that booty from English class two semesters back, but just can't place the name?
What about that butt from back in high school you've lost touch with?
Students at UB are finding the solution to these dilemmas in the Assbook, the latest cyber-craze to hit college campuses.
Building off the success of wildly popular Facebook, the Assbook aims to connect people - and their butts - in cyberspace.
Students post profiles of their posterior, along with a listing of their interests and contact information.
James Mixalot, who joined Assbook as soon as he heard about it, said it's a great opportunity for students to stay connected.
"There's more to a person than just the ass you see in the hall," said Mixalot. "Assbook gives us the chance to get at the person behind the behind."
Not that butts aren't important to Mixalot. "My anaconda don't want none unless she got buns, hun," he added.
Some, however, question the value of Assbook - critics say it might lead to a decline in human interaction.
"More and more, people are choosing to interact in cyberspace rather than in person," said the editor of a campus newspaper, who wished to remain anonymous. "Assbook will become a substitute for actually leering at real bootys. And that's not right."
The editor added there is a certain "phony" aspect to Assbook. "How do we know if the ass in the profile is really theirs? This is a very artificial environment for interaction."
Mixalot dismissed such claims, and said the editor was just sour about Assbook because he has no ass.
Reed Cady, a senior political science major, pontificated that Assbook is a force "greater than ourselves, able to join students across campus. It's another thing that brings people together."
Cady, a regular subscriber to Gigantic Asses magazine, is the owner of 17 groups on Assbook and has written a scholarly paper entitled "A Study in Comparative Bootyology: My Observations in the Student Union."
But Cady insisted it's a love of people, not a perversion for asses, that motivated his Assbook membership.
"We're talking about a force greater than ourselves, that transcends us as individuals. We're talking about ..." Cady then trailed off as an ample-bodied woman walked by. "Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. Assbook. I would call it something we all have in common. It's the great digital uniter of our age."
Photo: Meredith Forrest Kulwicki
