Bittersweet Beauty

I have been told many times - to my face - that I am short.

Alas, that is true; I can only find pants in the children's department. I don't have a nice profile. When I turn sideways, my cheeks look like a chipmunk's. I don't have a full-set of eyebrows. My hairier older sister left me with none.

At 25, I have the occasional zit and Samsonite-sized 'eye bags' and am paranoid at finding the slightest hint of lines. Yet, I have been told that I am good-looking. I suppose that when I make the effort to highlight my better features and to camouflage my flaws - and when I am happy - the total package is presentable, and I have the sort of looks that appeal to some folks.

Ink has been spilt in newspapers around the country about the issue of beauty and how unfair it is that people are often judged based on the way they look, not on what they say or do. A British study was reported as having found that better-looking people get promoted faster at work. Obese clerks and secretaries can earn up to 15 percent less than their slimmer colleagues.

But do beautiful people really have it easier? Are there disadvantages at all to being pretty, or handsome, in the case of a man?

I decided to do a straw poll among some - wow! - truly good-looking friends and ex-colleagues. The seven women whom I spoke to share physical attributes that are sought after by females today - slim bodies, slender arms and legs, bright eyes, regular features, good skin and shiny hair. And, wait. Not only are they physically attractive, they are also intelligent, sweet-natured, fashionable and - as seen in their answers - frank and honest to boot.

Of the two guys I polled, one is boyishly handsome - tanned, big eyes, nice hair - while the other is dashingly so, with sharp features and flashing eyes. All agreed that being good-looking had helped open doors for them.

One girl said this was especially true when coupled with a "sweet and sincere attitude." For women more so than men, good looks have aided their looking for a job.

An ex-colleague said that if she had to do a lot of street interviews, she would zoom in on men first because they are "more receptive." An ex-male colleague noted how "people want to know you and like to be around you."

But, while looks do open doors, the common refrain from my poll was that talent and heart counts over the long term.

"People warm up to you faster, but after that, it's really all about you, your talent and smarts. In fact, if you fail these tests later, the 'backlash' is greater, as in people would be harsher when they comment on you - "she's a bimbo/airhead," said one male.

A few lamented that they are often not taken seriously, and are stereotyped as being stupid, "as if looks and brains don't gel."

In the minds of others, your skills and talents are always secondary or, worse, questioned. Good-looking women also have to contend with the mistrust and envy of other females.

These negative vibes are internalized early. One remembered how, when she had to ask for street donations, she would approach men first, as she knew women would be less forthcoming.

Mistrust can also come from the opposite sex. "Guys tend to back off from good-looking girls. They think these girls are probably not stable and will two-time them," said one woman.

Said a guy, "Good-lookers are always 'up to no good'. They're either flirts or heartbreakers, uncommitted and not good for relationships. It's really a bittersweet thing."

When you go through life being complimented on your appearance, you become very aware of it.

The downside, though, is that because there are more men for the picking, you become spoilt for choice. If you are not of steady head and heart, your love life can be tumultuous.

That's why I'd like to think that it is more than my face that has made my current boyfriend remain faithful to me for almost five years. That it is also because I am a caring person, and fun to be with.

In the end, if you are beautiful or handsome, you just thank your lucky stars that you have been blessed.

But you had better also pray that when your beauty fades - as it one day will - you will have enough wits to live by, enough grace to conduct the rest of your life with dignity and enough goodness inside you so that people who loved you when you were beautiful, will still so when you are not.