I've begun weaning myself off of collegiate life and adjusting to the harsh reality that exists beyond UB by getting a "job". I like my "job" because I get paid to go, and I get to drink coffee and wear a neat little badge with my name on it. I highly recommend getting a "job" if you don't have one already, because you too may be lucky enough to get a cool badge with your name on it.
There are some things that I don't like about my "job," though, like panty hose for example. Some evil person of the male persuasion put in place a policy at the organization I work for which insists that female employees wear panty hose. That's all well and good, I suppose, and I'd wear them anyway, but something about an authority figure dictating something so basic makes me want to fuss about it. I think that makes me a good American, so I shall continue to fuss with pride.
Panty hose are a pain in the rear. They tear and run if you breathe on them too hard, and they cost enough money so that replacing them constantly makes a noticeable dent in my small pocket book. I recently purchased a pair of panty hose that claimed to be "energizing," which I did not understand until I attempted to put them on a few mornings ago. Imagine putting both of your feet into a knee sock and then pulling it up over your head. It took me so long to get these suckers on that I was almost late for my "job."
On the way to my "job," I got to thinking that since my organization is so insistent that I wear panty hose, perhaps they should pay for them. Not only that, perhaps I should note the time spent buying them and put that in my timesheets. I decided that my boss, who is also female and therefore shares in my oppression, would probably think this was a Good Idea.
Because I am technically an "intern" (a strange term coined by the business world that is analogous to the more familiar term "slave"), my timesheets must be approved by a "Veepee." Who this Veepee is, what he does, and why it has anything to do with my timesheets are all mysteries to me. I know only that his name is Bob.
As a person of the male persuasion and a respected member of the SBK (Society of Bobs and Kathys), I am reasonably sure he would not approve of my panty hose scheme. For those of you who don't know, the SBK is a secret society of business people bent on world domination. You may not have heard of them, but they are everywhere!
You will find that in most organizations there is an inordinate amount of people named "Bob" or "Kathy." They choose innocent, generic sounding names to lull their victims into a false sense of security and confuse people by hiding in their vast numbers. Occasionally a particularly clever "Bob" will call himself "Rob," and there are many chapters of "Kathys," each with a different spelling (i.e. Kathie). None are to be trusted.
This is only one of the tidbits I've learned at my "job." I have also learned which people in an organization one should be careful not to tick off. These people include one's boss, administrative assistants and secretaries, and information technologists.
One's boss is the most obvious person not to tick off, and failure to observe this protocol will result in the most direct and immediate discomfort for the offender. Administrative assistants, secretaries, and information technologists hold a power that is perhaps less obvious, but no less real.
Ticking off an administrative assistant or a secretary will have a devastating impact on your career. You may find that print jobs you send to networked stations are mysteriously cancelled, faxes you send invariably go unanswered, meetings seem to reschedule themselves at inconvenient times, and the coffee in the office is unreasonably foul. These incredibly powerful people often go unrecognized and are sorely underappreciated in their organizations. Be careful not to make this mistake yourself.
Information technologists are equally indispensable to your success at any "job." If you would like your computer to be fixed within a month of its being broken or infected with some virus, you will need to know an information technologist.
Usually an organization's IT department offers employees an e-mail address to which they may send so-called IT requests. This is a ruse, and the e-mail is actually sent to Ed, the Supreme Commander of Information Technologists, who keeps a running tally of frustrated personnel for his minions to cackle over at their annual midnight mass.
Information technologists have it easier than administrative assistants because few people make the mistake of assuming they understand what the technologists do. The truth is, nobody really understands what IT people do except for other IT people. They are a strange breed not unlike magicians, and most ordinary people are at their mercy in this new information age. Be smart - make a friend in IT.
After reading this column I know those of you who do not have jobs are excited to learn how you can get one, so I recommend you contact Career Planning and Placement at 645-2231, or visit the Web site at http://www.ub-careers.buffalo.edu. Happy hunting!
