In an unprecedented alliance, P.J. Bottoms on Main Street across from South Campus has teamed up with the Ronald McDonald House to provide UB's underage students a safer place to play.
Tuesday, the bar unveiled PJ's Play Place, a labyrinth of plastic tubes and giant mesh nets so elaborate it could rival Discovery Zone.
When youthful banter and hoo-ha at the bar began to grow out of control this past decade, PJ Bottom's owner, the Honorable Constable Big Mac, knew he had to take action.
"We had too many patrons trying to climb trees and ride in shopping carts outside our door. It was heinous," Big Mac said. "Plus, I learned in kindergarten that you can't change other people - you can only change yourself."
"We want to adequately represent our diverse clientele," he said.
Ronald McDonald of the Ronald McDonald House said the organization was eager for the opportunity to give back to poor college students, who often struggle to eat.
"Normally we donate to people with terminal illnesses," McDonald said, wearing abnormally large red shoes. "But never do I turn away the needy."
According to Big Mac, Tuesday night went off without a hitch, except for one customer who threw up in the ball pit and had to be taken to Erie County Medical Center for an alcohol overdose.
"We cleared everyone out of the pit so maintenance workers could hose it down," he said.
Pacifiers and $2.50 pitchers of Rolling Rock will no longer be permitted in the ball pit, and only one fraternity or sorority at a time. Students under 21 admitted with proper ID.
"Crawling through the tubes with my friends was so cool," said Brad McDermott, a freshman majoring in love, hugs and up-to-date kisses. "And when I got worn out, I laid down on the nap mats."
In addition to the Play Place, Thursday nights will now feature DJ Grimace, a slightly slow but big-hearted purple monster who will mix Lizzie McGuire tunes all night long.
Every Saturday, PJ's will have a find-the-beer-can obstacle course at 8 p.m. Winners will receive their choice of warm milk or a bottomless well drink. The new arts & crafts corner offers white and red-colored pencils for students who forgot to chalk their IDs.
"As a squad, we've always been supportive of PJ Bottom's mission," University Police Chief Ham Burglar said. "This move will definitely cut back on quality-of-life crimes in the Heights area."
Buffalo's Mayor McCheese, a longtime advocate of changing the bar closing time from 4 a.m. to 2 a.m. in order to fight crime, said he views PJ's Play Place as a baby step in the right direction.
"If we continue welcome Buffalo youth into the nightlife community, maybe their bedtimes will prohibit them from staying out late and we can reduce the number of bar-related stabbing deaths," said McCheese.
"I love it," said Gladice Horowitz, a PJ's patron and high school junior at Holy Angels Academy who plans to attend UB for communication. "Happy Meals for everyone!"
