Divorce ... a word that has become way too common in American households. I guess "till death do us part" does not have the same meaning it did 50 years ago. Why is it that my grandparents were all able to do it but my parents were not?
I read a statistic somewhere that said more marriages are bound to fail than to succeed these days. That statistic is mind-blowing and devastating, especially to a kid whose parents went through a divorce and who lived with the pain of having one parent around for such a long time.
I guess I grew up early, because at 5 years old, my parents split up and never got back together. My father, in an attempt to start over, moved to North Carolina, leaving my sister and me to mature at a rather fast pace. It seemed, growing up, that I was the only one of my friends that did not have a father around. This is especially rough when you play little league, and you see all the other dads rooting on their sons, but never mine.
I had my mother and my sister, which turned out to be the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. At first going to baseball games and hearing my mother and sister rooting for me was embarrassing. At 7 and 8 years old, there is nothing worse than a girl or woman cheering you on. But, as time went on, I realized that these were the cards that I was dealt and that I had to deal with what I was given.
As the years went on I started becoming more comfortable with my fate. Growing up and seeing all my friends' happy families was very rough for me, but over time I got used to it and accepted the fact that I was not different as my mother would say, but rather special.
Growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood was very rough. My mother tried to give my sister and I everything that she could. I went to camp and played little league, and my sister took singing lessons and was part of a very expensive dance school. It wasn't until about five years ago that I found out my mother was working three jobs a week to keep her family going. When you are young it is very hard to see the big picture, or maybe it is just that you don't want to. I did not realize the struggle that my mother had to endure to provide for my sister and I. I know that I did not have to go to camp and that my sister did not have to take singing lessons, but I think my mother did it because at no point did she ever want us to feel abnormal or out of place.
Having a mother who worked constantly left me home alone with my older sister a lot. My sister became like another parent to me. She made dinner for me, helped me with my homework, tucked me in at night and looked after me with a maternal instinct that only a mother could instill in a child. At times this became very annoying and rather bothersome. I guess, though, that my sister felt it was her obligation to raise me as much as my mother raised me.
My mother and sister left an indelible mark on my life. I attribute all my sensitivity to them. This is the reason why whenever I watch something even remotely heart-warming on television or in the movie theater, I cry ("Father of the Bride" gets me every time). It does not bother me, though. I feel like what I went through has made me a more well-rounded individual.
I know that I did not have the ideal childhood. I know that my mother struggled every day just to get by. I learned some very important life lessons from this, though. I know that when the time comes, I am going to give my children everything that I had and more. I also am positive that I am going to be the best father that a kid could have. I will be there for everything. I am not going to miss a beat.
Growing up like me was not fun, but it also wasn't terrible. I have learned over the years that no matter how dysfunctional a family is, as long as there is love there, then everything is OK. My life was never perfect, but with love from my family, it was as close to perfect as it could be.
Photo: Meredith Forrest Kulwicki
