Well, it's that special time of the year again. We here at the Sports Desk have not lost sight of this in our mad dash to drop Keyshawn Johnson and Alonzo Mourning from our fantasy teams. With that in mind, here are some things you should keep in mind during this holiday season.
1) Gregg (the second 'g' is silent) Williams won't be allowed on the team plane following the Bills loss in New England on Dec. 28, because he will be fired.
2) To replace him, Ralph Wilson and Tom Donahoe might hire Jim Mora.
3) The Red Sox and Yankees will get in a bidding war for the rights to the next HBO original movie.
4) Because of parity, the Cardinals will win the NFC West. Oddly enough, so will the Jets.
5) When Atlanta hires Deion Sanders as head coach, his special teams coach will be Flava Flav.
6) The Peoples Republic of China will release a rap album commemorating Mao Zedong. We aren't kidding.
7) Keep hope for the return of Nickelodeon's Guts along with the return of "the Charleston."
8) Spectrum Intramural Basketball (SIB) will be forthcoming and unstoppable.
9) That Presidents of the United States of America CD you lost a year back? You'll find it and it will feel like a Christmas present.
10) The Florida Marlins will play third base for the Yankees. Aaron Boone will be traded to the Rangers (the New York Rangers), who will then, collectively as a team, burst into flames through God's wrath.
11) In a flagrant violation of the rule of ten in lists, we say enjoy the holidays, because they opened a used video game store in the Galleria. Now you can buy a SegaCD system. Remember those? Those were like the worst games ever. Who in their right minds would create a game called Sewer Shark? That guy in it, the guy who would eat at the table while you were sewer sharking, he was in Die Hard II as Denis Franz's brother. Happy Holidays kids.
