You can’t be good at everything, but I wish I was better at goodbyes

I read The Spectrum fervently my freshman year. I wanted to always be in the know and have answers for all the wacky things happening around campus.

I never imagined I’d be a senior editor, and that I would get to answer the weird and wacky.

I never imagined it would be so hard to say goodbye.

And I’ve always been terrible at goodbyes. 

My last day of high school, the entire senior class — all 120 of us — gathered to say goodbye to each other for the final time. I was sobbing so hard that when I hugged someone I barely knew, I left a trail of snot on his shirt. 

UB’s graduating class is a bit bigger — by a few thousand students — but I’m still frightened of goodbyes. I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye and graduate just yet, but time is an unforgiving force pushing me forward.

And I know I’m sure as hell not ready to say goodbye to Spectrum and its staff.

I’ve only just become the victim of Jenna’s merciless teasing, and only recently has Kara started sending me tweets of animals being adorable. I’m so proud of Grant, and love hearing his “sexy Spanish accent.” 

I’ve just begun to see Kayla Estrada’s blunt humor (usually aimed at Jenna), and I’ll miss Kyle’s steady presence. I adore when Jack says “brooo” and Anthony’s mischievous laugh. Sai, Sabrina and Moaz are geniuses with cameras; I dread not seeing their beautiful photos and sharing easy banter with them.

How am I supposed to say goodbye to the faces Sophie makes when she’s confused, trying not to laugh or both at the same time? Or Kayla Sterner’s proclivity for wearing yellow and black (Here we go Steelers!) and Alex’s constant good vibes? 

I’ll miss sitting with Paul and Jiayi on production days, their office a sanctuary from stress. Will I ever feel the same relief as when I finally finish a piece and get to share it with Dan, Andrew, Justin and Reilly? I may never get the chance to bully Andrew into getting Starbucks with me again. I know I’m not ready for Justin’s high fives to end or stop being a witness to Reilly’s love (borderline addiction?) of Dr. Pepper.

And I’ll miss the office. It may reek of old newspapers, but it has given me a home over the past year.

I’ll miss the friends I’ve grown to love in 132 Student Union.

How do you say goodbye when you’re not done? I only joined The Spectrum a year ago as a staff writer. I can’t help but wish I had more time. More time to write the stories I wanted to, more time to learn, more time with the staff — a group of students like no other. 

I don’t know if our readers understand the struggle of putting together a newspaper every week. It’s a thankless burden that Reilly and Justin share, and it’s their hard work that has allowed me to have some of my most rewarding experiences at UB. Thank you both. 

How do I say goodbye to the first home I made for myself? The friends I loved, lost and kept between Aug. 23, 2018, when I moved into Governors Complex, and May 22, 2022, when I will walk across the stage? All I can say is thank you. 

Connor, you’ve been with me since the first day of college — you’ve seen me at my worst, best and everything in between. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for living it all with me. I could’ve done it without you but I wouldn’t have ever wanted to. 

To my fellow seniors: it’s been a hell of a ride. I’m proud to be a part of the graduating class of 2022. I could’ve never imagined that our four years would look like this, but I also never could’ve imagined being who I am today without them. 

To the editors I’m leaving behind: I cannot wait to watch you succeed from afar. I’m so proud of everything you’ve done and am excited to see how you’ll continue to grow. 

To the editors who are leaving with me: I’m proud of you and I can’t wait to see where we all end up.

I don’t know how to say goodbye, so instead, I’ll say thank you.

Julie Frey was a senior news/features editor and can no longer be reached at julie.frey@ubspectrum.com

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