It took nearly 10 years for Meg Hutchinson to seek help to get out of the fog and bleakness she felt surrounded her life.
The award-winning singer, songwriter and poet began her own fight against depression when she was 19 years old, but wasn’t diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder until she was 28.
Hutchinson spoke at UB Tuesday as part of Suicide Prevention Week. Other campus-sponsored events included a wellness day, a ‘Question, Persuade and Refer’ session and the eighth annual Out of the Darkness Walk for Suicide Prevention.
Suicide is the second leading cause death among college students, according to Student Affairs’ website. UB offers free counseling and other services to anyone dealing with depression and other mental health issues.
Hutchinson was traveling to Greece with a friend when she first experienced depression and the start to her mental health issues. She said she felt disconnected from daily routines and confessed that her depression often fogged her memory.
“I remember feeling like I was on the other side of bulletproof glass,” Hutchinson said. “I had no will to do anything.”
Hutchinson immediately began searching for treatment when she returned home. Doctors ran tests on her, but couldn’t find a solution for the “fog” she was experiencing.
She began to feel detached from the world and even her own feelings and emotions. The songwriter said it felt like an intense “bleakness.” Her depression and detachment from daily life made it difficult for her to relate to other people.
“It felt like everyone had a place in [society],” she said.
Hutchinson battled the “highs and lows” of depression for years, including a toxic relationship. The worst low came when her sister was getting married.
When she looked at her sister’s wedding dress, Hutchinson said she could only think about all the new people she would have to face and the fact that she had “nothing to relate to.”
This was when she "wanted out.” Fortunately for Hutchinson, her sister noticed her drastic mood changes and began to seek help. Now, the songwriter has been recovering for eight years.
Initially, she saw her diagnosis as “a blemish.” She urges others dealing with depression and other mental illnesses to diligently seek treatment.
“I had to be gentle with myself,” she said, emphasizing how important it is not to blame yourself.
Carissa Uschold, suicide prevention coordinator for UB Counseling Services – which sponsored the event – was also in attendance. She said the difficulty and stress on students transitioning into college could lead to depression.
“There is the [feeling of] independence and that you want to move forward and having fears surrounding that,” Uschold said.
She encourages anyone struggling with mental health issues, to seek help. Counseling Services is located in 120 Richmond Quad on North Campus.
Students like Emily Cook, a senior social science major, were moved by Hutchinson’s story of determination and optimism.
“I love the story,” Cook said. “Some people don’t make it as long as she did.”
Hutchinson ended her talk with encouraging words for people dealing with depression and other mental illnesses.
“This is only part of who you are,” Hutchinson said. “You can do it, but you can’t do it alone.”
Suicide Awareness Week ends on Saturday with the Out of the Darkness Walk for Suicide Prevention at 10:30 a.m. in Delaware Park.
email: arts@ubspectrum.com
