Big butts do not lie.
I know because I have one.
It tells the story of all the yummy, chocolate-y, fat laden foods I cannot seem to turn down.
It reveals the deep dark secret that I am a stressed out, over-achieving college student with a membership to the Buffalo Athletic Club that I use only sporadically.
And it is the reason I hate, hate, hate to shop for new clothes.
At barely 5 foot 1 inch, I am a healthy, proportionately curvy woman. I'm not obese, or even overweight, but like most, I carry a self-consciousness about my physical appearance.
For me, it's not an issue I struggle with as much anymore, but in middle school and high school it was. As an overweight athlete on a rural high school soccer team, it prevented me from running fast. Among skinny classmates with jet speed metabolisms, a source of shame.
Books on nutrition and losing weight were read and marked but never adhered to and eventually began collecting dust. Ashamedly, I even recall a period when I made myself throw up and became obsessed with reading about eating disorders.
I began a viscous cycle of bad habits with the mentality that I would always start "tomorrow." Evenings of binging on cookies, chocolate and ice cream only exacerbated the problem. Moderation felt impossible, I could never stop at just one or two. My treadmill and latest fitness gadgets became clothes hangers or forgotten items at the bottom of my closet.
My sense of balance was irreparably out of wack.
Although I never dealt with issues of "the freshman fifteen" my beliefs about my appearance prevented me from feeling good about myself. Above all, I avoid activities that involve wearing shorts or skirts. I hate having my picture taken.
Even now I find myself coming up with excuses to exercise and eat well: there is reading to do for class, a special on TV, too stressed, too tired, too sick, too pre-menstrual. Or I simply ate too much that day and wrote it off in my mind as a "fat day."
I have always envied the thin. They make the battle over the bulge look easy.
The issues I have about my body image are far from unique. It's something at the back of each of our minds, a source of constant embarrassment in a society with growing rates of obesity.
A few months ago an elderly couple in their 80s were in front of me in line at Tim Horton's. The wife, who had a waiflike shape similar to Audrey Hepburn, ordered black coffee and two tidbits. TWO tidbits. They rolled around on her plate in an unappetizing fashion.
No matter how old we become, weight is always an issue. It's often difficult to fight the innate desire to eat for survival. Only, in today's society of abundance we no longer need to eat to survive. We need to stop eating to live.
We eat for pleasure, on special occasions, when we're sad, when we're happy, and when we're bored. Chocolate, a substance I hold a revered love for, is associated with every holiday. There's always an excuse for more - a dinner out with friends, popcorn at the movies, cake for a co-worker's birthday.
Last semester I interviewed a hardcore vegan who had recently published a book about going organic. The interview intrigued me, and I began making changes in my eating habits.
I switched to soymilk and my digestion improved, I made a lot of stir-fry with brown rice, frozen vegetables and tofu. I cooked in vegetable broth instead of oil and packed hummus with veggies on a pita to bring to school. I switched to drinking chai tea in the morning instead of coffee and cut down on diet soda.
When you're eating well and taking care of yourself, it shows. The skin glows and it's easy to feel good about ourselves. We stop feeling we're worthless.
To fight growing obesity problems we need to challenge ourselves to throw out our old mentalities about eating and exercise, and develop new, healthier habits for lifelong change. We need to empower children and drop the 1950s mantra that they must complete everything on their plate before they eat dessert.
We need to listen to our bodies and stop eating when we're full. We need to find forms of exercise that don't feel like going to the dentist. We must find other ways to "feed" ourselves emotionally and spiritually.
Change must be life long, although mistakes along the way are inevitable.
If you're not happy with your body, do something about it. Join me in The Spectrum Challenge, a special feature within this issue's pages. Let's find the motivation to change, together.
