'You don’t act like an only child'

Throughout my life, people have usually been shocked to find out that I am an only child. People have often told me that my behavior doesn’t seem like that of an only child. So how am I supposed to act?

Of course, I know the stereotypes surrounding only children; we’re all bratty and spoiled. Stereotypically I should be self-absorbed and whine when things don’t go my way. I should be oversensitive, and challenged at working with others. Growing up, I had always been insecure about being an only child. Even at a young age I was aware of the stereotypes; so I altered my behavior.

I can’t be self-absorbed 

In spite of this stereotype I hate being the center of attention. As to not seem self-absorbed, I’ve made efforts to not make conversations or situations about me – always making a point to simply be a member of the crowd, rather than stand out. 

I can’t be sensitive and whiny 

Even if things don’t go my way, or I am unhappy with a situation's outcome, I don’t let people know. I would rather deal with my emotions in private than have someone consider my feelings a reaction to me “not getting my way.” 

I can’t be spoiled 

I don’t like relying on my parents or other people for help. Although I am fortunate enough to have parents who would gladly support me in any way they could, I prefer to provide for myself as much as I can. I’d rather not have something than have others make judgments that I’ve had things handed to me. 

I can’t work with others 

Truthfully I am not enthusiastic about group work, however when working with others, I never let these feelings show. As to not seem bossy or uncooperative, I shy away from taking the lead in group situations, and I bite my tongue when I disagree with the way someone is doing something; I alter my behavior to be more laid-back so I’m not judged for being uptight. 

While hearing the phrase “you don’t seem like an only child” seems like a good thing (because people are noticing my good traits) it can also hurt. If I acted like the only child stereotypes, would people like me less?

This negative stereotype has been an insecurity of mine since middle school. Although I know my true character, I never want to be poorly perceived by others. Stereotypes can lead to only children being judged at face-value, rather than who they are at a deeper level.

I don’t know if I would act more selfish, or bratty if I wasn’t worried about being judged. However, I do know that my lack of siblings does not make me a worse person, and the stereotypes of only children are ill-informed, and harmful.

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