Film: Pain & Gain
Release Date: April 26
Studio: Paramount Pictures
Grade: D-
This film is a waste of electricity.
Pain & Gain - director Michael Bay's first non-Transformers entry since 2005 - is a brainless exercise of barbaric violence and tasteless humor so surreally awful, it must be seen to be believed.
Exhibit A: Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg, Broken City) has just crushed a man to death. Lugo then proceeds to the victim's personal exercise room and rapidly lifts dumbbells to cheer himself up. Ha, ha.
Exhibit B: Lugo finds himself playing street basketball with a posse of neighborhood youngsters, remarking to one of them, "I see your mother driving up and down the street looking at me; I'll be your stepfather by the weekend." Ho, ho.
If an audience of moviegoers were given a quiz about the plot of Pain & Gain a week after viewing it, they would fail every question. This film tells the impossible, supposedly true, story of three muscle men who plan to rob and kill a sleazy entrepreneur, Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub, Movie 43).
Lugo, Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie, The Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson, G. I. Joe: Retaliation) are the three criminals. Wahlberg, Mackie and Johnson are all likeable actors who can possess great presence on the screen, but not here. They each play irritating morons constantly blabbing about their immense pectorals. This is a horrible sin because moviegoers wantto like Wahlberg, Mackie and Johnson, but they are so excessively obnoxious throughout the film, rooting for them is never an option.
Why should anyone sympathize with these murderers? In Goodfellas, Henry Hill worked as a likeable criminal because he was forcibly spoon-fed that life. He was an innocent man at heart who swam too far with the sharks, evolving into a corrupt drug lord. But the supposed heroes of Pain & Gain act like adolescents on vacation, killing and stealing for the "American dream," tossing the concept around like it's a high school fad.
Bay continues to show disregard for women in his films, continuing this distasteful streak by making the only female lead a ditzy stripper with perfect curves and huge lips, Sorina Luminita (Bar Paly, A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III). He obviously wasn't concerned with acting dynamics when casting this role. The stripper from the real-life story was reportedly clueless about the criminals, believing they were CIA agents. But why portray her as absolutely clueless about every aspect of life, instead of as a regular, innocent person trapped in a terrible situation?
The editing works in that old-fashioned, Michael Bay-esque dreariness of quick cuts that works like a face-paced highlight reel. Each scene is sliced up by quickly changing angles, as if shooting a single smooth scene would be sacrilege. This film shows no comprehension of time and space between the characters or locations, leading the audience astray.
Bay (Transformers: Dark of the Moon) proves he is lost at sea with this grotesque material. He has proven to be an action thriller expert with such entries as The Rock, The Island and the first two Transformers movies, but then he makes clunkers like this that show no filmmaking zest or human quality. He really needs to buckle down and choose smarter scripts that stimulate the audience with suspense, instead of always targeting the adolescent male audience.
What's most disturbing is that this film aims to inspire its viewers to be "doers," like Lugo and his team - to not let life waste by without striving for better.
Take this advice earnestly: Strive for better by disregarding this movie because watching this trash is the equivalent of deleting two hours for your life and never getting it back.
Life is too short and precious for this film to be a part of it.
Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
