If you're a college student and you're considering entering a relationship with another college student, read this next sentence very carefully.
You better be ready to put in work.
Of course, this could be said about any relationship. As they say, "Nothing worth having comes easy." But we live in a society where "college relationship" is oxymoronic - trust me, if you haven't realized that yet, you will.
However, if you're ready for the challenge, the good news is that there's nothing more rewarding than being with someone and having no doubts about what you're doing.
I met him freshman year. I was innocent and independent, and I had no intention of meeting him, but it happened.
We spoke all night at a house party. People yelled, spilled drinks and danced around us, but they seemed to move in slow motion throughout our conversation. I knew deep down that he wasn't like anyone I'd ever met before, and I say this not because of his charm or good looks, but because it was a fact that came to me almost instinctually. I felt it in my stomach.
"This kid is the one."
It's been three years since that night.
We've "taken breaks" twice and "broken up" once, an agreement still in effect to this day. I've hung out with his parents multiple times; he was my date to my sister's wedding. We have romantic chemistry, of course, but we're best friends - and ultimately, that's the reason we've never been able to go long enough without each other to really have to say goodbye.
It's only because I'm not currently in a relationship that I can say this with confidence: in order to make your college relationship work, you need to be honest, be willing to prioritize and, most importantly, be realistic.
If you know yourself, and you're the type of gal who's going to have to put tape over her mouth in order to avoid making out with another dude on your night away from your boyfriend, you might want to rethink putting titles on what you are. And if you're a guy who loves his girlfriend, but would rather spend his time on the couch with his buds, there's no shame in that, either-but you should be honest and realistic with your girl about how much time you genuinely see yourself spending with her.
There's no shame in wanting someone you go to when you're lonely. But a lot of people dig themselves into holes by rushing to commit to each other when all they're really ready to commit to is a warm body to sleep beside.
But if you can look your boyfriend in the eye and truly imagine still having him in your life 10 years down the road, that's great. And all of that other stuff is miniscule, because you have something worth working for.
The truth of our situation - that is, being love-struck college students - is that at this point in our lives, our surroundings are going to affect us one way or another. And honestly, there's nothing wrong with admitting to that. You don't have to be a hormone-driven sex fiend to have doubts, either.
One of the things that always scared me was the idea that if I truly am meant to spend more time with this person after college, was I really ready to begin that commitment at 18 years old?
Even without the temptation of others, it takes a lot of time and energy to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend to someone else. You have to be willing to compromise, to be patient and to be selfless, and I stand by the assertion that the four years we spend in college are the last years of our lives where acting selfish is even remotely justified.
But at the end of the day, the couples who last are the ones who give each other enough room to be human - and that means having the patience to look past each other's human mistakes. You'll have great times with each other, of course, and you might have some tough times, too. You may sleep with six more people while you're here; she may never look at another potential mate again. As long as you're each OK with these things happening, you're golden.
I've known this kid for six out of the seven semesters I've spent here, and even if I never speak to him again after college, I'll never regret one minute of those semesters.
So if you're a college student about to enter a relationship and your palms are now sweating from reading this, breathe and put the paper down - there's someone waiting to hold your clammy hands.
Email:lisa.delatorre@ubspectrum.com
