College students stereotypically live off Ramen noodles and instant mac and cheese. It's safe to say cooking is not our forte. However, over the past few decades, musical pioneers have allowed us to turn this disability into art.
These heroes have created spectacles of pop culture that have allowed us to combine our natural love of food and our desire to express ourselves through dance. The moves they created have helped make our inadequacies that much more bearable.
These forms of cooking don't nourish the body – they nourish the soul.
Peppermint Twist
Song: "Peppermint Twist" by Joey Dee and Henry Glover (1961)
Background: The original Twist took the nation by storm when singer Chubby Checker released the song in 1960. Everyone from the working class to the socialites found time to follow Checker's directions.
Dee and Glover felt there was a need to innovate the already popular craze. Their version of the dance was far sharper and required a faster twisting motion, jumping, and a tad more enthusiasm.
America was a few years away from the Cuban Missile Crisis, one the country's most trying times. But before the near-disaster, all was well thanks to the Twist.
How-to: Twist both legs in unison with a fast paced motion. Then jump and throw your right arm upwards, while twirling your index finger. Congratulations, you're now doing the Peppermint Twist.
Appropriateness: Probably wouldn't do this in a public setting. A night indoors drinking with your boys is one of the only occasions that would justify doing the Peppermint Twist in the modern age.
Tootsee Roll
Song: "Tootsee Roll" by 69 Boyz (1994)
Background: Hip-hop started to become mainstream around the mid-'90s. Of course, the genre needed a dance craze to accompany its rise in popularity.
The Tootsee Roll wasn't the first hip-hop dance (see "The Humpty Dance"), but it still remains one of the most popular. The Miami-based group's debut single was comprised of a string a simplistic commands, and the public gladly followed its orders. What made the 69 Boyz's contribution to the arts more impressive was the fact that it came during the Golden Age of hip-hop, the genre's most critically lauded era.
The dance itself is a little less than wholesome, but it was all in good fun.
How-to: The dance is fairly similar to the 1920s' Charleston, except that the Tootsee Roll is more sexual. Stick your posterior out and move your legs in a butterfly motion. Move to the left or right when the song indicates. Do so for 4:25.
Appropriateness: Doing the dance in other songs will draw a mixed reaction from onlookers. Use only when "Toosee Roll" is playing to be safe.
Wining (or Grinding)
Songs: "Go Go Wine" by Vybz Kartel (2011); "So Special" by Mavado (2008); "No Letting Go" by Wayne Wonder (2003)
Background: Caribbean music is stereotypically associated with mainly two things: Bob Marley and Wining.
Wining is a dance that's characteristically sexual and involves the grinding of a female's posterior against a male's or females groan area. The performance of this decades-old dance by middle school aged youths has been a source of concern for many.
Grinding can be used with many of today's U.S. pop hits, but it's mainly tied to Reggae and Dancehall music. Vybz Kartel, Beenie Man, Mr. Vegas, and Buju Banton are among the genres most popular artists.
How-to: This one takes some practice. Move your hips fluently in rhythm to the song that's playing. You can do splits if you're adept enough at the art of wining. But be careful, doing so can cause severe muscle trauma.
Appropriateness: You shouldn't do this dance at family gatherings for obvious reasons. Wining can be seen at most college parties of any crowd. However, do not over do it. Overuse can lead to a dance mate attempting the far more explicit "Daggering." Just to hint at exactly what that is, "daggering" is Jamaican slang for the roughest of rough sex.
Chicken Noodle Soup
Song: "Chicken Noodle Soup" by DJ Webster and Young B., featuring the Voice of Harlem (2006)
Background: The Chicken Noodle Soup is one of the standout crazes of the aughts, and with good reason.
The song itself was pure madness. Young B. was a relatively unknown teenage rapper at the time, and out of nowhere, she was making the public dance to lyrics that made almost no sense. What's the "it" that's raining, and why are we clearing it up? What is the protagonist doing on 119th and Lexington? And why was the side order of soda so integral to the Chicken Noodle Soup?
But no one questioned her motives. Back then it would've been a crime not to respond to alarming horns and the confidence in Young B's voice.
How-to: It's hard to do the dance without watching the song's music video. Young B. tells the listener to "let it rain," and "clear it out." Your hand movement should follow accordingly. Bounce from side to side when she says, "let's get it." Continue bouncing when the chorus hits.
Appropriateness: The song's relevance has greatly diminished since its heyday. It's only appropriate to do the dance when its accompanying song is playing, but at the same time, it's appropriate to fire the DJ who's still playing the song in 2012.
Cooking
Song: "I Cook" by Lil B (2010)
Background: Rapper Lil B sharply divided hip-hop fans when he broke out in 2010. His mediocre lyrical skill and controversial stunts have earned him a cult following, despite vicious criticism by the genre's diehard fans.
While his music has faded in popularity, the BasedGod's signature Cooking dance is still widely practiced today. Lil B's videos on cooking have achieved millions of views on YouTube and have inspired countless videos imitating his creation. The dance is praised because of its simplicity, versatility, and absurdity.
The caption for the music video for "I Cook" contains a boast from BasedGod.
"This is rare and amazing gift from Lil B," Lil B says.
Indeed it is.
How-To: There are multiple ways to Cook. The most basic is to stick you left hand out and use your right hand to stir as if actually cooking. Add seasoning when necessary.
Appropriateness: It can be used in nearly every situation. Getting ready for work? Cook. A night out with friends? Cook. Stuck waiting for the UB Stampede for 30 minutes or more? Cook. BasedGod took all events into consideration when he invented the dance.
Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
