Fellow males, your sex lives are in grave danger.
The activity has fallen victim to some serious concerns over the past two decades, distresses that make intercourse less fun and more of a responsibility. Think STIs, pregnancy, and the less unfortunate stage-five clingers. However, being mindful of these risks is a necessity.
The problem lies in the superficial concerns. Are we satisfying our partner? Is the mood right? Am I doing it wrong if she's not screaming my name before passing out after an orgasm?
Of course, like the gentlemen some college students are, we do things to compensate for these insecurities. They can be counterproductive even though they are well intentioned. What good are condoms if the woman you're with is allergic to them? And no one wants to be the one stared down by his dorm mates because of an incense experiment gone wrong.
But one addition that is particularly detrimental is the use of music during sex.
A while back, Asst. Life Editor Keren Baruch wrote a column called "Turn Up the Tunes to Turn Up the Orgasm." In her piece, Baruch argues that music is beneficial to sex because it helps fill in those awkward moments of silence and helps cover up the deed from the people in the vicinity. In the end, she concludes having sex with music may not be for everybody.
I disagree with that point (as I do with a majority of her columns, but that's another matter). The question isn't whether or not to play music, but which music to play. Too often guys play music to satisfy their partners and, on the surface, it works. But in reality, we really are shooting ourselves in the feet.
Let's be real, there are tons of other guys our mate would rather be with. So what sense does it make playing those sex symbols to further remind your girl that they've settled for a lesser product?
Trey Songz, Chris Brown, and Drake, popular panty-dropping artists, should NOT be in your playlist. I don't know about you, but when I'm having sex, I'm not going to have someone with more wealth and appeal than me be in my woman's thoughts while I'm trying to put her to sleep. It's illogical.
The worst part about it is that if you listen to their lyrics, you'll find they'll be more than happy to take your girl away from you just because they can. That sort of intrusion is unwarranted when you're giving your best efforts in the bedroom.
Drake explicitly talks about stealing someone's girl in "Marvin's Room," but the song is played in bedrooms nationwide.
You need to skedaddle, Drake.
What should be proper bedroom music, you ask? Well, we're going to have to take it way back in the day – further than a majority of college students have been alive.
I'm talking about the days of Marvin Gaye, Al Green, and the Isley Brothers. These artists were the very sound of lovemaking and countless were conceived because of their talents. Their usefulness in the bedroom goes far beyond their vocals, however.
Sure, they were sex icons back in their time, but you won't have to worry about them being thought of as so by your partner. Today's desirable crooners are either unnaturally cut (Trey Songz), have bare misogynistic tendencies (Chris Brown), or are just straight obnoxious (Drake). Gaye, Green, and the Isley Brothers have none of these qualities.
In addition, the other three were never intrusive in their songs. They encouraged lovemaking, good will, sensitivity, and all of that good stuff. They were sexual, but never intrusive. It's as if Gaye, Green, and the Isley Brothers are fathers gently encouraging you to overcome all obstacles to reach that next plateau of intercourse.
So consider this: if you absolutely had to let an extra male in the room, would you have one that will throw you off the bed while your mate allows his advances, or a friend who gently nods his head in encouragement?
Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
