Dear UB Men's Basketball,
Roses are red; violets are blue. We only go to basketball games so we can stare at you.
We don't mean to sound creepy, but it's not just your record that keeps us coming to cheer you on game after game. We can't lie – the amount of attractiveness you guys exude leaves us breathless.
Before we laid our eyes upon your athletic bodies and impressive stamina, we had no interest in basketball, whatsoever. It seemed like a silly game at first – just really tall boys in really long shorts, running aimlessly back and forth across the court and trying to shoot a rock into a hole.
But now, we actually care about your 3-pointers, layups, free throws, and dunks. We even voted daily for Mitchell Watt to win ESPN's Dark Horse Dunker contest (we were severely heartbroken on Monday when he lost in the first round by two percent).
But your team is easily the best-performing sports team on this campus. You even have the highest student attendance at your games; your attendance percentage trumps attendance at the football games (and you actually win…). When students go to your games, it's more likely they'll leave feeling like they've won, too, because of your infectious passion for the game.
You drive the UB school spirit that this school has been missing for quite some time.
Number one in our eyes and hearts is number 21 on the court. Mitchell Watt, we're looking at you.
Yes, your dunks are magnificent, graceful, and seem effortless. But, what are actually flawless and not talked about in the sports reports are your looks. Your mile-long eyelashes, towering height, and your immaculate complexion illuminate the arena and draw our eyes to the court.
Our sports editors laugh when we ask about your performance at practice – even more when they tell us the practices are often shirtless.
Zach Filzen – your fiancée is one lucky girl. Although you may be timid in conversation, you are far from timid when dribbling that ball.
Javon McCrea. You may be a sophomore and we may not go for younger men, but we cannot ignore your powerful presence and dominance of the court. Even this news editor's 17-year-old sister can't help but have a schoolgirl crush.
Men's basketball, we love you all, even if we don't have enough space to list each of you and the reasons why.
We can guarantee the majority of your female fans come to cheer you on not only because of your many-game winning streak, but because we (speaking for UB's female game-attending population) just like to look at you, #realtalk.
Love and basketball,
Your biggest fans
Email: rebecca.bratek@ubspectrum.com and vilona.trachtenberg@ubspectrum.com
