Chick-flicks and love songs often make girls seem like they are into mushy and romantic boys. These misguiding messages lead ignorant boys to spend their money on chocolate, flowers, and movie tickets.
I say save your money and cut the bulls***.
Not every girl wants her life to play out like The Notebook (at least not yet). Contrary to what many stereotypes portray, we do not all want to come home to find a teddy bear holding a box of chocolates on our bed. Some girls really are only interested in having sex.
"I love sex more than anyone," said Daniel Behar, a senior history major. "But when it's with someone you care about and it's good, nothing beats it."
Key words: someone you care about.
If you're in a relationship and you want to do something sweet for your girl, then by all means, go for it. Get emotional and enjoy spending time gazing into each other's eyes, and doing all those things that make single people nauseous.
However, if a girl is simply looking to enjoy one (or several) nights of your creamy filling inside of her Twinkie, you should not attempt to bring feelings into the mix.
There's a difference between emotional sex and purely physical sex.
I know you're all thinking: "Say whaaaa? There are different types of sex? I always thought stuffing you like Nutella inside of a croissant and making you moan was all that sex is about!"
Well here I am, the bearer of bad news, telling you yes – there is a difference. And if you take the emotional route into a vagina, when it's expecting a purely physical sensation, you're going to ruin the experience.
How to find out if a girl is into your heart or your penis:
1. Does she only text you after 11 p.m.?
2. Is she confused when you text her the morning after a night of hooking up?
3. Does she seem hesitant when you ask her to go to dinner or meet up for coffee?
4. Does she openly tell you she's only interested in sex?
I know some of you may be laughing at number four – when somebody openly tells you they're not interested, isn't it obvious? Well, no. Maybe the first time she tells you she doesn't care if you call or text her, she's playing a trick on you – because that's how our crazy female minds work – so I understand where you're coming from if you don't take that as a hint.
If she has told you several times that she doesn't want anything more than clitoral pleasure, though, she's not fibbing.
What should you do if you're into the emotions and she's only into your male organ?
Stop with the constant text messages and the discussions about your girl's personal life. Do not get too deep into your life either, because that's just as weird. Never inform her that you're "trying to break her out of her shell," because there really isn't a shell blocking her heart from yours. She's just not interested in anything but sex or she's not ready to emotionally dedicate herself.
Make sure you note that this doesn't describe every girl, because there are some that are waiting to put a ring on it faster than Beyoncé. The purpose of this column is to inform boys nationwide that not every girl walking this earth is looking for an emotional fling, and it is crucial to figure out what she actually wants before you waste your precious time.
Most importantly, be safe, be smart, and be sexual.
Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com
