As I slowly walk up to the doors of the University at Buffalo Bookstore, dragging my feet on the ground, a somber pout on my face, I can feel my stomach tied in a huge knot. I know that there is no going back once I open the doors, and I know why I am here. I look around for the big purple sign that reads: "University at Buffalo Commencement."
I walk up to a short, brown-haired man with glasses and a V-neck sweater and he asks me the question I have been dreading for four years: "You here for your cap and gown?"
I nod reluctantly, and he asks me "What is your height?" He turns around and quickly fumbles into a box, grabs my cap and gown, places it on the counter in front of me and tells me to go pay at the register.
I shovel out the $82, grab my books from the cubbies, and walk to class.
As May 16 is coming closer and closer, I have been doing a great amount of reflecting on my experiences at UB and how I was able to survive four years on my own, eight hours away from my family, in the arctic tundra known as Buffalo.
Personally, going away for school was my priority during my senior year of high school. It is safe to say my parents' divorce turned my world upside down, and warranted both a physical and emotional ‘split' of my life.
I had to split my time with my parents; I had to split my clothes, shoes, and I now had two toothbrushes. It was absolute madness, and, to be quite honest, I think I will always be a little bit of a mess.
It was for this reason that I knew I needed to go away for school and finally have my life back together, in one place.
The day my mother dropped me off at my dorm at Michael Hall, she didn't stay long. I didn't ask her to, either, because I could already see the tears coming down her eyes as she moved the last clear plastic bin from the truck up to my room. I knew she wouldn't be able to handle helping me set up my room, so she grabbed my sisters and told them to go in the car, gave me a tight hug and a kiss, and, in a flash, she was pulling out of the South Campus dorms to journey back home.
I laid on my bed, finally alone for the first time, and smiled to myself. I was genuinely happy to start this adventure on my own.
During my first few days at UB, I made it a point to call my mom every day, sometimes several times a day. How unusual it was to be in a place where you do not have to come home to your parents after class. As I became more accustomed to university life, I realized my phone calls lessened and would even stop for a few days on end at some points.
According to Dr. Jess P. Shatkin, a staff member of the NYU Child Study Center, "moving on to college represents a significant step toward adulthood. Whether the student lives at home or goes away to attend college, the move represents an emotional separation for both parents and child."
Conversations would often start with, "Oh, you don't have time to call me anymore, college girl?" or "Are you alive?" I would just laugh these comments off because I knew it was just that emotional separation that must have been shocking to my parents.
It was to my own shock to learn that some of my friends rarely called their parents. Of course, we cannot all be expected to have the same relationships, but from my own perspective, I must honestly say I am happy that I kept the waves of communication open with my parents.
I realized that when I was severely conflicted and needed advice, hearing my mother's voice on the other end of the phone was enough to comfort me and help me to think rationally. My mother was the person I would call when I would get an A on my exam, or when I did well on a group project. She was my go-to phone call when I was nervous for an interview or stressed about my workload. She would just tell me to relax and take a minute to regroup, but most importantly, she would always tell me that she was proud of me.
Even though my mother still asks me why I chose to come all the way up to Buffalo for school, I think she understands deep inside. She knows that I needed to figure myself out on my own, and live in one room again.
As we near the Commencement celebration, I encourage seniors to reflect on who was supporting them throughout their college experiences. Whether it be your parents, a family member, or even a close friend, take time to let them know how much you appreciate having them in your life, and how happy you are that you were able to make them proud.
Please keep in mind, my fellow graduating classmates, that while it is important to know where you are going, we must always remember where we came from.
Email: jlaniado@buffalo.edu
