This feature will attempt to determine what's hot and what's not on the radio.
Rating System:
5 stars: Instant classic
4 stars: Really catchy
3 Stars: Take it or leave it
2 Stars: Tolerable
1 Star: Turn this off as quickly as possible
Jennifer Lopez feat. Pitbull – "On The Floor"
When Paula Abdul began her career on American Idol, she did America a huge favor and decided to stop making music. Sadly, J-Lo was not as kind. This by-the-numbers disco tune is decent to dance to, but the painfully-forced lyrics keep it from being anything special. J-Lo should stick to what she does best – being nice to everyone on Idol in a vain effort to convince us she hasn't spent the past decade screaming at stagehands.
Rating: 2 stars
Pink – "F***in' Perfect"
As much as I love Cee Lo Green, someone needs to call him out for the epidemic he started. Ever since "F*** You" became a big hit, musicians are trying to slip the f-bomb into places where it doesn't belong. It was bad enough when Enrique told us that he was having intercourse with us – what happened to being our "Hero," Enrique? This schmaltzy power ballad has the most awkward usage of the word ever. Much like Pink's attempt to be a feminist by insulting other famous women (2006's "Stupid Girls"), it doesn't really translate.
Rating: 2 stars
Rihanna – "S&M"
Ever since Rihanna developed a personality, she's been the biggest thing in pop music. Every single off Loud has been killer, and this is no exception. After the depressing, post-Chris Brown darkness of Rated R, she's gotten back to having fun, and no one is better at it. It's odd – five years ago, Rihanna seemed like Beyonce without a personality, now it's the other way around.
Rating: 4 Stars
Jeremih ft. 50 Cent – "Down On Me"
If anybody was a good candidate for one-hit wonder, it was the talentless R&B crooner who bludgeoned the phrase "birthday sex" into the American lexicon. Unfortunately, like life, pop music is not fair and people like Jeremih are allowed to continue playing on the radio. Unless you come from a family of Mennonites, the title should give away the songs subject matter fairly quickly. A lot of pointless autotune is around to spice things up, but to no avail. As for 50 Cent, he hasn't been relevant since Curtis, and it seems like he isn't even trying anymore.
Rating: 1 Star
Lady Gaga – "Judas"
In Lady Gaga's last single, "Born This Way", the pop star heavy-handily championed gay rights. A fine message, but a little subtlety would've helped. Her new single has a similar problem – it uses religious imagery with the hope that homophobic religious nut jobs will call for a boycott. At this point, I'm pretty sure even Pat Robertson has figured out that nothing she does or says is as shocking as she wants it to be. Still, she's considerably better than Ke$ha or Katy Perry, if only because she's actually trying to write decent songs. As a result, her desperate attempts to grab attention can only bother me so much.
Rating: 3 Stars
Email: john.hugar@ubspectrum.com
