The Earth is at the center of the universe. It's stationary, and the sun travels around it, which is proven by the fact that we can see it happening on a daily basis.
Its surface is a flat, two-dimensional plane. If you go to the end of it, you'll fall off.
Christopher Columbus was the type of person who deserves a national holiday in honor of him. He's the one who realized that the Earth isn't flat. He also discovered America and treated Native Americans with kindness and diplomacy.
One more thing about the Earth: it, the sun, the moon, the stars, all of the animals, and the first humans were created in seven days.
Pluto is the ninth planet in the solar system.
Saddam Hussein's Iraq has a dangerous stockpile of weapons of mass destruction.
Smoking marijuana is physically addictive and causes you to become a psychotic, suicidal rapist.
Cocaine is good for you. It has medical uses, and it is helpful in treating morphine addiction. It's also a good anesthetic. Not to mention, it makes you feel like a real champion.
Homosexuality is immoral.
There is no such thing as global warming.
Sacco and Vanzetti killed two men. Their guilt is beyond a reasonable doubt. They received a fair trial.
Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with that woman – namely, Monica Lewinsky, a White House employee.
Richard Nixon isn't a crook.
Rock-and-roll music is brainwashing the children and turning them into sinners and devil-worshipers.
Paul McCartney is dead. The Beatles have replaced him with a lookalike.
Sometime between Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning, a big fat guy in a red suit rides around on a sleigh driven by flying reindeer and delivers presents to all of the children across the entire world. He somehow accomplishes this all in one night. His preferred method of entering your house is by way of your chimney.
Also, there's a flying lady who collects teeth. Every time you lose one, she expects you to put it under your pillow, so she can break into your room via the window and take it. You won't notice her. She'll compensate you for your cooperation.
Information printed in a recent Artvoice article about executive salaries and UB Foundation compensation is not correct. Numbers were arrived at via inaccuracies and sloppy math.
Everything I've written above has, at one point in time or another, been presented as "fact" by someone who claims the authority to do so.
But is any of it true?
Email: luke.hammill@ubspectrum.com
This article is a piece of satire.
