Before you read this column, I'll need you to cast aside that Freudian nonsense you've been learning.
Good, now we can get down to business.
Over the past few years, it has occurred to me that males have two huge problems they just can't seem to get over when it comes to sex.
The first is gripes about not having a big enough buddy to get the job done when your partner really wants it. But that's the more trivial of the two. Once you accept that the world is an unjust place and realize that there's no legitimate way to cure this curse, you learn to work with it.
The bigger issue of the two seems to be the fear of premature ejaculation. The average male seems to focus on giving it to their partner faster and harder for a longer period of time rather than actually making an emotional connection. When they check out early, the males are left feeling like emasculated shells desperately searching for the next chance to prove themselves.
Frankly, I never understood why we give so much attention to getting off too early.
What are we trying to prove by lasting long, anyway? I never understood why some of my friends are so shaken up when they finish too soon with a one-night stand.
Let's be real. We're not looking for love out here. I believe that the main purpose of a one-night stand is to hit it, get off, and quit it. In fact, by quickening the experience, we avoid clingy partners who fail to understand what the phrase "one night" means.
But wait, you ask: what if I end up falling in love with these hook-ups?
Well, buddy, rule #1: no cuffing in the club. Look that up.
However, you're not going to meet every girl at a club. One day, you're going to end up having sex with someone you actually like and will want to get a long-term thing going. Only in these situations I find it understandable to fear early finishes.
But then again, if your partner is really that angry about the problem, you have to wonder if you even really want to have a relationship with her. Relationships should be based on emotional connections. Sex should be a minor priority compared to that.
Plus, when you ejaculated it felt good, right?
And don't get me wrong, I'm not leaving the ladies out of the equation, either. You should be happy you got him to finish soon. It means you clearly know what you were doing under the sheets, and you have that good stuff.
Secondly, you ladies could even use the fear of premature ejaculation to your advantage. It'll be easier to get your one-minute man to go down on you if you got him feeling guilty enough.
Maybe I'm a bit biased on the topic since I don't have such a problem. So, lucky me you're thinking, right?
Wrong. Long sex bouts have an increased likelihood of injury, and it promotes a decline in rationalism. You're going to keep going and wanting more even after you run out of condoms, and boom, someone is pregnant and someone else is being rushed to the hospital because he or she tried to get too flexible.
So let's sum it up.
Short sex: Simple and convenient.
Long sex: Fatal.
E-mail: brian.josephs@ubspectrum.com
