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UB a diabetic


???On Tuesday, approximately 200 students marched down Main Street in Buffalo to convey a message of change.

???With bright pickets and banners in hand, students from the School of Dental Medicine gathered to march as the new student group United Students Against Sweetshops (USAS).

???The dental students involved with USAS have passed out petitions throughout the UB community since the beginning of February. Since then, the group has collected over 500 signatures calling for all candy products and soda to be removed from campus stores.

???Emmanuel Plack, president and founder of USAS, says that cavities and tooth decay are a growing preventable epidemic. The university should remove all sweets from its shops, similar to an initiative that removed cigarettes from all Campus Dining & Shops-owned facilities last year, he states.

???"You should see what dental students see on a regular basis. There is no reason why students should be able to eat so much sugar," Plack said. "We call upon all students to rally against the sale of candy and soda on campus. There is just no need for it."

???University and dining service officials have not responded to the organization's pleas and display of student support for the new initiative.

???Vice President of Student Affairs Dennis Black took no stance on the issue.

???"Cavities hurt so that's bad, but nothing can match Tootsie Rolls on a hot summer day," Black said. "If you just brush your teeth, it's fine. I remember a song fondly from my childhood my mother used to sing while we brushed."

???Black then proceeded to sing the song. As the tune resonated through the top floor of Capen Library, the vice president still denied comment, offering this reporter a sucker from the drawer in his office.

???Anna Rexiya, a junior biology major, does not support the initiative to remove or lessen the number of sugar products sold on campus.

???"Candy is all I eat on a regular basis," Rexiya said. "I have a full load of classes this semester. I also do not support the new anti-smoking initiative on campus either. No one should have the right to tell me what to consume."

???Madka Owdizeese and Lou Stooth, both sophomore art history majors, witnessed the first march of the USAS members. They stated that many of the members were throwing candy bars and soda into nearby trash cans for show.

???"They were waving around their petitions and posing in front of garbage cans for the photographers that showed up on the scene," Owdizeese said. "I am neutral about the whole thing because I don't eat candy or soda, but it's good to finally see students getting out and standing up for a cause."

???UB President John B. Simpson said it's probably for the best that students are giving up sweets.

???"It's not Kosher," Simpson said. "And now that we've completed phase one of controlling students' lives by banning smoking and such, we can move on to phase two: Religion."

???As the student body bows uniformly in forced prayer, the USAS is still collecting signatures for the group's Anti-Sweet Initiative on campus. The group plans to hold another march in the near future, according to Plack.

*April Fool's Issue Disclaimer - The content of this article was published as a "joke" and may contain invalid or false information.




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