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Center for Tomorrow abandoned today


In a realization that the prospect of the Center for Tomorrow would never be realized in the present, UB Provost Satish Tripathi ordered the building's demolition.

Tripathi scheduled the 26-year-old Center's destruction for tomorrow - an irony that was "spiteful," according to the building's fans.

In accordance with the civic engagement portion of UB 2020's strategic strengths, members of the UB community will be allowed to participate in the building's annihilation.

"Mainly, students from the School of Engineering will develop the necessary explosive devices from raw C4," Tripathi said. "Media study students will record the demolition, while medical and nursing students will treat those injured in the blast."

Tripathi went on to describe how physics students have already developed a computer model for how the building should fall, using the System for Huge Infrastructure Transition (S.H.I.T.).

A faction of over two students are protesting what they call Tripathi's "blatant power play."

"We're just not sure how the provost got the authority to order the demolition of a building," said Rodger Mun, a seventh-year senior sociology major. "(UB President) John Simpson is lying down on the job, letting that dude run the show."

The Office of the President has remained relatively quiet on the subject. Simpson has only briefly addressed the public from the front step of his Buffalo home at 125 Jewett Parkway.

"The Center for Tomorrow is what got me to come here from Seattle," Simpson said. "I was excited by the modernity and possibilities the building represented. For too long has the Center been under appreciated."

Tripathi seems to be included in the class of under-appreciators.

"It just holds a bunch of chairs," Tripathi said. "Wouldn't it be better for UB 2020 to use that space for a parking lot?"

In fact, the space would be better for a parking lot, paired with a faulty shuttle system.

"I love parking three-quarters of a mile away from campus," said Rodger Rack, a senior exercise science major. "Did you guys steal my protein?"

Robert Shibley, the executive vice president for university support service or EVPUSS, has preemptively designed the state-of-the-art parking lot. The lot will be one level, as most are, but it will come pre-made with potholes and no stop signs.

"The reason we're letting the School of Engineering blow up the Center is to save money," Shibley said. "That's also why we're going to be as cheap as possible when paving in this strategic location."

Community members wishing to participate in the demolition should visit http://ubbelievers.buffalo.edu/ubbelievers/home and sign up. Parking in the new lot will be limited to those who arrive before the lot fills.


*April Fools Article Disclaimer - This content of this article was

published as a "joke" and may contain invalid or false information.




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