Last week, one of my friends and fellow editors of The Spectrum suggested that I write about, in light of Valentine's Day, being a virgin.
When I was planning this opinion piece, I was sure it was going to be about something political. With Super Tuesday past, and no certain Democratic candidate, it would seem only right for me to interject my opinion about everything - not that it matters very much.
I immediately responded to the editor's idea with a terse "no." I would not sacrifice my writing's decency and righteousness. I only write about respectable issues, things that matter to me: politics, family, morality, etc. My virginity is private and personal - not something I'm willing to print in ten thousand papers and on the World Wide Web.
I got to thinking about it. Instead of setting my knee jerk reaction in stone, I legitimately considered the topic. After all, this is a college newspaper, which is read mostly by students. Sex and virginity are enormously significant matters for students.
So I made up my mind to, in the following paragraphs, discuss the notion of my virginity in the most respectable way possible - without offense and without ambiguity.
To begin, in the religious and medical meanings, I am a virgin. That is to say that I have never had sex with a woman or a man. That being said, I don't consider myself to be a virgin.
I have been in a relationship with my significant other for over three years, and we decided early on that we would wait until we were married to have sex. If for no other reasons than morality and safety, we have stuck to it.
However, over the years humanity's definition of virginity has changed based on the exponential growth of knowledge - everyday people know more about the human body than we did before. It is taught at home. It is taught at school. And children should not be ashamed.
I am not ashamed of my body, which is one of the liberating components of my life. Shame, or lack there of, is one of the key themes of the Broadway musical, Spring Awakening.
The show itself deals only partly with the issue of virginity, and more broadly with the knowledge of one's body and mind and how they can be a mechanism for happiness.
"There's so much more to find/just in looking through myself, and not at them/Still, I know/To trust my own true mind/And to say: there's a way through this...I'm calling/To know the world's true yearning/The hunger that a child feels for everything they're shown." (Lyrics from "All That's Known")
Can a physical state, like virginity, be based on knowledge? I think so. I would argue that love can be a physical state - there are physical symptoms of love. And certainly love is only achieved after immense knowledge about life is gained.
And the emotionality of love is the most important of all. My emotional connection with my friend, my lover transcends all else - sex, virginity, everything.
However happy I may be, however much of a man I consider myself to be, I can't die tomorrow, and it partly has to do with sex. It's not that I'd be missing out on pleasure. The human side, the procreation side of sex is what seems most important to me - I'd like to leave a legacy.
Some people will probably read this and wonder how I survive without sex. It's simple - it's not a priority in my life.
It all sounds like a bunch of bull roar. "This guy thinks that because he has an intense emotional connection with his girlfriend and a knowledge of his body that he's not a virgin."
That's exactly it.
I'm not better than anyone. I would never tell someone that they should deny themselves the pleasure. After all, life is only so short. But don't think that I've experienced less in my life, or that I know less about relationships. If anything, I've developed a longer lasting, eternal relationship, because it's not based on animalistic instincts.
I've made a choice and I'm sticking to it.
