The first date: he takes her to a fancy restaurant, he says all the right things and even compliments her hair. Before the breadbasket is even put on the table she's planning their wedding. Then the check comes - he turns to her and asks if she will pay because he forgot his wallet at home.
By paying attention to dating and relationship warning signs, students can avoid wasted months in a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.
According to Sadie Leder, an adjunct professor of social-personality psychology, the best way for a woman to tell whether a relationship is going to work is to listen to what her friends and family are saying.
"Friends and family are normally the best forecasters for whether or not a relationship will work out," Leder said. "If they don't think the person is right for you, then they're probably right."
While family and friends can be great predictors, there are smaller signs that can tip daters off as soon as the first date, according to Leder. If there are conflicts early on in the relationship, especially in the first few weeks, those are often telltale signs to end the relationship.
Taylor Sabinsky, a junior communication and psychology major, believes that a potential mate probably isn't worth it if they can't hold a decent conversation.
"If he can't impress me and hardly talks to me the whole date, then I know the relationship isn't going to work out," Sabinsky said. "Also, if he doesn't pay for the date, that's a big sign."
Other easily detectable warning signs include incompatible personalities and goals in life, Leder said. If one person is looking to play games and the other wants a relationship, those mixed goals and values won't lead to a satisfying and healthy relationship for either partner.
Hannah Miller, a sophomore communication major, believes that if the guy only wants to talk about sex, then the person is probably not looking for anything serious. According to Miller, it's a big turn off if her partner tries to have sex too soon.
Initiating sex prematurely can be a sign that the relationship may not work out, according to Leder. Even levels of attractiveness can make or break a relationship in its early stages.
"Personalities don't change," Leder said. "People who [have] similar likes and dislikes, even similar looks, make better couples than those who have nothing in common. If one person is more attractive than their partner, that can lead to conflicts because the less attractive partner most of the time [will] start second guessing why that person is with them."
While there are many first-date faux pas that singles should avoid when searching for potential partners, there are also some particular aspects to look for while trying to land the perfect catch.
While a typical first date heads out to a casual restaurant or for coffee, Leder advises to choose something more amusing and rewarding, like going to an amusement park or trying something new together.
"Doing something amusing and fun is arousing to the brain," Leder said. "Since they'll be experiencing that good time with you, they'll start to associate things like fun and happiness with you and want to be around you more."
It's important for students to put their best foot forward when going on a first date. According to Leder, looking your best is more important than you might think. Moreover, being positive and optimistic for the first weeks of dating is helpful, allowing the other person to ascribe happiness and fun with your name.
People that are polite, have a good background, and are smooth are the type of qualities found most attractive on a first date, Leder said.
"Normally you can assume that when a guy is decent, nice and polite that they also have a good family and background," said Alisha Zapotoski, a sophomore business major.
Most couples face the major issue of deciding when to have sex. According to Leder, there is no right or wrong time to have sex - whether it's the first date or two months into the relationship, there are no studies that prove either choice will help or hurt the relationship.
"Students should have sex when they feel ready," Leder said. "If both partners feel that they're ready on the first date then that is the right time for them."
When it comes down to meeting a great catch, students should try to keep an open mind. Leder advises that if students hold on to a stereotype of their perfect match, they'll never meet anyone that lives up to it.
Above all, Leder advises that students should follow their heart and their head. A good catch might come even if a person doesn't meet any of their normal criteria. If a person starts thinking there's someone better out there while on a date, then there probably is.
"College is a great time and it's very conducive to dating, exploring and really finding out what you want from your partner and yourself," Leder said. "Student's should have fun dating. College is a great place to meet people, and if you meet someone while you're here, great. If not - just keep looking."
Photo: Wikimedia Commons
