I'm turning the big 2-3 Sunday and I have to admit, I'm pretty stoked-big to-do at my place to celebrate-but what I'm really excited about is another year's birthday wish to throw around.
I'm particularly excited about this one because with the NHL playoffs under way, I can use my wish to the benefit of every man, woman and child sick and tired of Sabremania.
When I extinguish the candles on my birthday pastry Sunday evening, I'm going to close my eyes, clench my fists and wish for...
But here's the rub-As much as I'd love to shove my wish in the face of every face-painted, jersey-donning front runner in Buffalo, I can't just up and tell you. Then it wouldn't come true and I'd be out a year's wish; just unfortunate for everyone on all sides.
So instead let me spell it out for you.
I've had just about as much as I can take of the Buffalo Sabres and their over-caffeinated announcer, Rick Jeanneret.
Enough with the 20-goal scorers, cheesy catch phrases and undying insistence that Rick Jeanneret and his boys in yellow and navy are the best thing to happen to offensive hockey since the '80s Oilers.
And enough with the army of Sabres fans rocking their knit hats, fitteds and Maxim Afinogenov jerseys like they've been bleeding blue and gold for life.
It's not so much the die-hards I have a problem with, I respect them as much as any other die heard fan; but I simply cannot take the warm weather fans any more. After recovering from the sprained ankles they incurred from jumping onto the bandwagon in record time, they've combined to make my life miserable for the last six months.
And for the thousands of you that swear to Rick that you've been fans all along, then where were you three years ago, pre-lockout? But that's right, you just loved the new logo so much that you absolutely had to go out and splurge $150 on the those new navy and gold duds; well, especially after Buffalo took the NHL by storm last spring. You can't run around Buffalo claiming to be true without the pleasing aroma of freshly bought fandom. Ugh.
Add in the fact that the biggest homer of them all happens to be screaming at me through my television set three times a week and I'm a sawed off shotgun shy of a statewide violence spree.
Being a Rangers fan 6 hours away from the World's Most Famous Arena-Madison Square Garden in case anybody needed reminding-is bad enough but to be constantly barraged by a steady stream of stinking, rotten word vomit...it's got to end.
Now I know Drew Stafford is the next, great someone or other and Lindy Ruff's the greatest tactician this side of Scotty Bowman, but Sabres "fans" should be wary of many things this time around.
Ryan Miller is playing more sloppy than sound, with a March GAA of 3.12, hardly the caliber of Lord Stanley. As any Edmonton or Carolina fan would tell you, their place in last year's Stanley Cup finals was much a result of strong play in between the pipes as anything else, hence Playoff MVP Cam Ward.
Fact is, goaltending is the most important thing come April, and without Marty Biron backing Miller up, Sabres' fans' hopes may turn out to be more of a pipedream instead.
And then there's the big one, something I'm sure every Sabres fan has at least heard of: The curse of the President's Trophy. Since its inception in 1986, six teams have finished the regular season with the most points and translated that success to postseason victory. Only my 1994 New York Rangers, along with the 1987 Oilers, 1989 Calgary Flames, 1999 Dallas Stars, 2001 Colorado Avalanche and 2002 Detroit Red Wings have managed to accomplish such a dubious feat and all except the '89 Flames featured future Hall of Fame netminders.
I'm not sure I could take dealing with all the phonies that will come out of the woodwork if the Sabres lock it all up-I'm still trying to get rid of all the fashionably pink Red Sox caps.
Imagine the smile stretching from my right ear to my left as that loudmouth Jeanneret is rendered speechless at the sight of another team's sweater celebrating on the ice before him. It's a sight and sound far too joyous to speak about.
I think that might be the perfect birthday present any Sabrehater could wish for.
