For some guys, it's the most uncomfortable situation in the world. For others, it's not so bad. But regardless, they're all aware of the perception of the Man Date.
Let's say you're a straight dude, and you and your (straight) bro go to dinner at the Steer. Your waitress seats you in a side table out of view of the ESPN-covered televisions, and you order a beer while your buddy, sitting directly across from you orders a glass of wine. Sure, you're ordering steaks, but if it's dinner and it's just the two of you, congratulations, Man Dater, you're in for a night of awkward chatter and doubting your sexuality.
"(A Man Date) is something you wouldn't normally do with a male friend," said Jennifer 8. Lee, the New York Times reporter who popularized the term. "Would you do it with a woman? It has to be something you'd ask a woman, either a date or platonic friend, to do."
Though the term "Man Date" is a late arrival in the cultural lexicon, first appearing in Lee's Times article, she said its proliferation as a cultural clich?(c) is simply because Man Dates always existed
Whether it's a movie where two guys ensure a buffer seat between them - much like the mandated buffer urinal in public bathrooms -or making sure there is always sports on TV and beer when going out for food, the little cues men left described a phenomena in need of a name.
"It's something that everyone recognizes, but no one would see," Lee said.
Lee pointed out many different kinds of Man Dates, and even more rules that define what is and isn't a Man Date.
"(People) would laugh at the silly rules," she said of her interview subjects for the story. "Like, why is it okay to go to a movie with another guy if there is blowing s*** up, but not if there are subtitles?"
Jacob Dorman, a Buffalo State grad, said even movies are off limits for one-on-one male interaction for him.
"I've never gone to a movie with just one dude. Maybe I'd go to something like 'Kill Bill,' " he said.
Would he go see "Brokeback Mountain" with a buddy?
"That's going a little far," he said.
His girlfriend, UB senior psychology major Jennifer Shalik, said it's easy to assume two men at dinner alone are a couple, rather than merely friends.
"The restaurant I work at is intimate, the lighting there is low, and there are no TVs," she said. "You see two guys sitting at a table together, they could definitely be gay."
James Addison, one of her co-workers and a junior at Buffalo State, said that perception can change, even if the two men are in the same restaurant.
"At the bar, that's okay," he said. "With two guys, it's a date. With three guys, it's a business meeting."
Other situations fall under the gray area of the Man Date - shopping for Addison went one of two ways.
"If you're going from store to store with a girl, that's okay, but I wouldn't do that with a guy," he said. "But if a buddy just needs to go grab a jacket or a pair of pants, that's okay."
The stringent rules men make for themselves is a very American idea, Lee said.
"A lot of these rules apply to the American man," she said. "It's very funny to get guys to talk about their own sexuality."
In his novel "Girlfriend 44," Mark Barrowcliffe examines both the insecurities and shallowness that makes up modern men, and he said while male insecurity is common all over the world, American masculinity is particularly vulnerable to the homosexual label.
"American guys tend to be slightly more rigid in their sexuality than British guys," Barrowcliffe said. "You never had a tradition of 'camp' in America like we have over here. We have glam rock over here which is big building workers putting on makeup and going out."
The idea of American masculinity calls for men being, well, men - American culture doesn't allow there to be any doubt in a man's sexuality, Barrowcliffe said. British culture has more flexibility in how male sexuality can be perceived.
"Take Duran Duran for example. They're camp as Christmas, but straight to a man," he said. "I think we fear it a bit less."
Barrowcliffe added that British men aren't completely unaffected by the self-consciousness of being perceived as homosexual. He said he and friends would go to gay clubs to pick up women, but would end up worrying about being seen as gay.
"I think the real insecurity of people like me is we think of ourselves as liberals, and we would go to this gay club thinking we were so liberal and sophisticated and smart and we would get there and our behavior wouldn't be much different than the average redneck," he said. "We would find a guy mentioning his girlfriend every five seconds."
Lee said the Man Date rules and the awkwardness it inspires is a uniquely American experience.
"You don't see it in Europe, in Asia or anywhere else," she said. "The people who are least acculturated, people who haven't been bred in these cultural tendencies tend to be the least bothered by them."
