"Just when I thought I was out ... they pull me back in," Al Pacino as Michael Corleone, "The Godfather: Part Three."
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I entered UB as a default moderate - I had skeletons in my middle class, "okay to make fun of the handicapped and gays," closet - and I leave as a personal moderate with liberal policies.
I hate abortion, but I can't tell you not to do it.
I hate guns, but I can't tell you not to own them.
I don't eat animals, but I can't stop you from eating carcass.
We've got rights as Americans. You get the picture.
One of our most talked about rights - talked about, Hi-yo! - is freedom of speech. As liberals and conservatives, we flaunt this right at every turn, and with good reason. You've got a right to be gay and you've got a right to vouch for a war we shouldn't fight. You've got a right to smoke cigarettes and you've got a right to make fun of everyone else.
You've got a right to follow Jesus, and you have the right to be offended.
I was one of many people excited for last night's premiere, or "re-premiere" of "The Family Guy" on FOX. A lot of it was hilarious, but midway through the first episode, Peter and Lois Griffin stumbled into Mel Gibson's secret screening room, and upon a "secret" reel of Gibson's next project, "The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This!"
Never mind that this is clearly a regurgitated joke from "UHF's" "Gandhi 2: No More Mr. Passive Resistance," "The Family Guy" creator Seth McFarlane crossed a line he hadn't yet crossed: showing Christ firing guns and speaking about his "ex-wife," stopping just short of Jesus pulling a drag on Chris Tucker's spleef.
Now, before you start your "have a sense of humor" and "but Dan Brown said he was married in his completely unbelievable, 'The DaVinci Code,'" take this into account: whether you think religion is ludicrous or not, many people believe this is their God.
They worship him.
Not like hippies worship Jimi Hendrix's "sweet licks." Not like many peace-loving war protestors worship Friedrich Nietzsche (wait a second, is he the guy that says war is needed to blood purge the old order? Sounds peace loving to me! Order me up a blood purge and Fluffernutter sandwich.)
On tour this summer in my rock 'n' roll band, of which my guitarist Chase refers to me as "the Jesus lover" of the group, I got into a heated discussion with one of my best friends when he referred to President Bush using Jesus's name to say it's okay to be racist.
You have to understand it's more or less the state of the rock 'n' roll union to not believe in God.
After a long argument, I explained to him that the way I - and believers - view Christ is that he is God. That his actions and words are a dictation on how to live life: to love God and every other person in the world as you want to be loved.
Thinking about this peace-loving deity-turned-man being beaten to within inches of his life only to have inches of steel driven into his skin has made me weep before. To see him turned into two-bit comedy makes me angry.
My following of Christianity has helped me to decide to live a non-violent life. I'm a vegan-leaning vegetarian who hates the death penalty, abortion and war. Say what you want: I'm consistent.
Listen - er, read - my favorite joke from "The Family Guy" is the one where Peter says he's good at lying and then is shown reading the Bible to some children and says, "And when you die, you go to Heaven ... haha, I'm just kidding. You rot in the ground."
But, there is a line between humor and disrespect.
My family raised me to appreciate a wide variety of things, from Billy Joel to Bill Clinton, Cal Ripken to Clint Eastwood, Jim Kelly to Jesus Christ.
They didn't teach me to appreciate hate.
Photo: Meredith Forrest Kulwicki
