The Department of Communication at UB has decided to offer a new course this fall, COM 497, entitled "How to Live Life in General." The class aims to make the students of UB more ready to adapt to the everyday problems of life. It is going to be taught by a panel of experts, each with a doctorate in living a separate facet of life.
The issuance of the class comes as a response to the apparent demand by students to be taught lessons in "workshops" that most people learn between birth and middle school. Recent examples at UB include the "Forgiveness Workshop," which addresses the needs of the recently dumped, and "Homework Stress," which addresses the needs of those who cry into their pillows instead of opening their books.
"We hope we can resolve students' concerns about living life," said professor Jack McCarthy, whose expertise lies in hygiene maintenance. "If they've got into college and still don't know how to manage time or relationships, they probably have other very basic lessons still to be learned."
"I took this job because I believe I can teach students skills in maintaining basic hygiene despite time constraints," McCarthy said. "These kids smell like crushed Adderall and urine."
Francis Uller has a doctorate in keeping cheap cars running.
"College kids run cars into the ground faster than any other demographic, even high school kids," Uller said. "Apparently, without Dad around to check the oil and with a five-fold increase in alcohol and drug use, college kids just don't know how to avoid seizing the engine block or driving headlong into a streetlamp."
Credit cards are professor Mark Stevens's specialty. He has spent years studying how to avoid going into debt and keeping bills at a payable level.
"It really doesn't take much, but you'd be surprised how difficult many kids find it. Don't buy what you don't have the money to pay for," Stevens said. "Don't sign up for more than one credit card unless you have a steady income. Now I just have to stretch that very basic concept into four weeks of lessons that can really break it down for students."
Stevens said he plans to break the lessons into the sections, "impulse buying and why you're a moron," and "get a job if you really feel the need to buy things impulsively."
Forgiveness, however, has proven to be the most difficult lesson to teach. The New Testament stands as the only text available to teach the concept.
"Christ was the last real authority on forgiveness. Those are tough shoes to fill, as I see it," said Uller.
What may seem a simple task to some, saying "Don't worry about it," or more specifically, "I forgive you," is apparently something that some students need to be talked and guided through.
"It's not that easy, you know," said Meghan Ambler, a sophomore dance major who was recently dumped by her boyfriend Stanley Gerard for, as Ambler puts it, "the slut down the hall."
"How am I supposed to forgive him for doing something so heinous," Ambler said, referring to Gerard's act of deciding she was no longer right for him.
"Break-ups are hard, there's no doubt about it. But I would have thought learning how do deal with one is something you'd learn from family or friends, not strangers with no knowledge of your background or lifestyle," McCarthy said. "But that's what some students need, I suppose."
McCarthy, Uller and Stevens each had a similar, forlorn look in their eye at the conclusion of the interview, reflecting their sentiments on the certain fate of students with so little faith in their ability to survive college that would enroll in such a class.
Photo: Meredith Forrest Kulwicki
