The NHL has some rough times ahead of it.
Despite a boom in the early '90s, hockey's popularity has recently sunk to new lows.
Apparently, even professional bowling draws higher ratings than NHL games.
Even more threatening to the game than its sagging popularity is the troubles the NHL is having. NHL teams lost a combined $275 million dollars last season and it doesn't take a degree in economics to see that the league is in need of some desperate help. They face a labor showdown this summer, which appears as if it could, at the very least cut the season short.
But I say the work stoppage is a blessing in disguise, providing they take the proper steps to right their troubled ship. The first step they should take is to install me as the commissioner. I would take the time off to institute sweeping changes that would bring the game back to the days of old.
The game has become slow and stagnant as players become bigger and coaching schemes become more developed. As a result, the league has had fewer goals scored, and fewer goals means fewer fans. The game is in dire need of a complete makeover, and I'm just the man to do it.
My first change would be to contract between ten and twelve teams. First of all hockey doesn't belong in places like Florida, Anaheim or Columbus. So we would cut out the entire Pacific division and the majority of the Southeast division. That would mean that there would be somewhere around 300 less scrubs in the league than there currently are. Picture a league with no Eric Cairns, Kryzstov Oliwas and hopefully no Tie Domi, although he would probably sneak on a roster somewhere.
With a more dense talent level there would have to be some major changes to the current rules and game format. I would propose to switch to almost all international rules, except having the clock run up, rather than down, because that is just plain dumb.
This would include a larger ice surface, which would allow the more skilled players left in the league more room to work with. Not included in this change is the whole "goalies can't play the puck behind the net" deal, which penalizes good goalies. In the international format you can't freeze the puck behind the net.
But the most important change that would come from the international rules would be the switch to a shootout to decide tied games. I've had enough of this tie, overtime loss garbage. The four column standings are about as easy to decipher as the heavily accented foreign TA's discreet mathematics lecture. Well they're not really that hard at all, but a simple win column and a loss column would be much better for all.
After a five minute, four on four-overtime session the game would then go to a shootout. I can't think of anything more exciting then a shootout, because it allows the team's most talented players a chance to win a game on their own.
This format would also be more pleasing to the fans, who pay exorbitant prices to see nothing get settled. What's the first question you ask a friend when they get home from a game? Who won, right? Well how bad is it when you have to answer "No one."
Then I'll get rid of the two line pass rule, which will allow teams to make wide open passes through the neutral zone and will add more breakaways to the game. I'd definitely limit the pad size of goalies, not only because it will cause more goals, but because it will also force goalies to become more athletic and also add more fantastic saves to the game.
The rule changes the current NHL regime wants to make won't make nearly enough of a change to save the game, what's needed is a complete change. And I'm just the man to do it.
