Have you ever been in the supermarket or McDonald's and seen a parent scolding their young child? Have you witnessed those repulsive parents who believe twisting the arm of their child while simultaneously flinging him or her across an aisle is a progressive form of punishment?
When I encounter these types of people, I am torn between the desire to intervene for the sake of the child and standing idly by, uncomfortably trying to ignore the abuse being inflicted. Until now, I have not found a suitable method of dealing with these situations.
In all cases so far, I have been unable to bring myself to question a person's parenting ability to their face, so instead I leave, feeling guilty and wondering whether I did the right thing, if the "punishment" I had witnessed is the worst of it and hoping it is.
In South Bend, Ind., last week, a woman was recorded on a parking lot surveillance tape beating her young child in the backseat of a car, according to a Sept. 20 CNN.com article.
In 1995, over half a million women were seeking to adopt children, according to statistics from the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute's Web site. The not-for-profit organization, founded in 1996, is devoted to improving adoption policy and practices.
What do the two facts have in common? Nothing, statistically, but it is beyond my comprehension how Madelyne Gorman Toogood, the woman who was caught on camera punching and pulling the hair of her 4-year-old daughter could be a mother when hundreds of thousands of women who would be model mothers are denied the privilege.
Toogood, a member of the Irish Travelers, pleaded not guilty to the charge of felony child battery but admitted that she had "smacked and shaken her daughter and pulled her hair," according to the CNN article.
The Travelers are a group of about 200 to 300 nomads traveling around the United States looking for employment.
According to Toogood, the girl was misbehaving in the department store where she was shopping with her daughter, and the beating occurred in the parking lot because the little girl was making Toogood nervous.
If Toogood had any parental ability, or even common sense, she would realize a child couldn't be expected to behave while being dragged around a department store for hours without entertainment and attention.
When I heard about the beating, I immediately thought of all the times I have ignored parental mistreatment in public places. Although I know most people turn their cheeks at public reprimand, like I have, I still cannot help feeling some sense of guilt.
"There would be no excuse in the world why I did it," said Toogood, in the article. She said she was "horrified and sick to (her) stomach and mortified," when she was shown the surveillance tape.
At least Toogood is taking responsibility for her actions by acknowledging she was wrong, but that is not enough. Currently, according to CNN.com, the unfit mother is angry that while she remains in jail, her daughter is in foster care.
"I think they should have (given) her to somebody in my family. I think if it was anybody else's child they would have (given) her to a member of their family," she said in the article.
Toogood and her family, however, cannot be trusted to take care of a child, nor can they be relied upon to even remain in Indiana. As members of the Irish Travelers, the family has no address other than that of a store to which the family has no ties (Toogood's husband uses the address on his driver's license.)
Furthermore, Toogood's claim that the child would have been given to a family member had the girl been "anybody else's child," is a moot point. Obviously, those enforcing the law are looking to serve the best interest of the child. While Toogood may claim she is being discriminated against for her choice of lifestyle, she does not have a valid argument.
In 1992, the last year states were required to record adoption numbers, according to the Adoption Institute, nearly 127,00 children were adopted. Of these, 9,570 were adopted in New York.
The costs of these adoptions range from being cost-free to the adoptive parents, to upward of $25,000 for an international adoption, whether done through an agency or independently. Additional expense may be incurred based on a variety of factors, including birth parent expenses, legal fees, and medical care and transportation.
Toogood should look at these statistics and realize that she is lucky to have a healthy young daughter. Her actions have led to embarrassment on her part and that of her family, and will inevitably cause her daughter embarrassment when she is old enough to realize the details and consequences of this case.
The only victim here is Toogood's daughter, and whether Toogood serves a prison sentence or is released, the child will lose. Whether returned to an abusive mother or placed in an adoptive home where she will possibly blame herself for her sudden displacement and the disappearance of her family, the child is the one who will suffer.
Regardless of the case's outcome, I have made a definite decision: If I see a child being mistreated by a parent, whether by the twisting of an arm or the pulling of a ponytail, I will intervene. Or interfere, as some will have it. Regardless of the viewpoints of others, I will risk being wrong (and hope that I am) by assuming intervention is needed.
Photo: Meredith Forrest Kulwicki
