Noelle Bush, daughter of Florida governor Jeb Bush and niece of our esteemed President, has been having some problems. Essentially, she's a drug addict with no control over her addictions (she actually had cocaine on her while she was in the treatment center). So, according to the stance of her uncle and father, she should be serving a jail sentence. But Jeb believes she needs treatment. Wait a tic, his daughter needs treatment but anyone else with the same problems should be doing hard time? A little hard to be a staunch supporter of the war on drugs when it hits home. Jeb should have been used to it anyway, big W. was reportedly quite the cokehead in his day. Maybe that's why he always has that dumbfounded look on his face.
Greece recently banned all forms of video games in their country. Bring in a cell phone or a laptop with even Tetris on it and you're in for a world of hurt-large fines and possible jail time. So were video games banned because they're eroding the values of Greek culture? Where they discarded because kids were becoming too engrossed in their violence? No, they were banned because the law enforcement agencies in Greece, apparently intelligent people, can't tell the difference between a game being used for illegal gambling and a game being played simply for enjoyment. That's right, they can't tell the difference between online poker and Minesweeper.
Global warming - it's here. Since when is it 80 degrees in late September? I can't wait for fall to really begin. I'm sick and tired of sweating to death every day. I'm gonna start moving north in the summer. Biggest problem is that if you look at historical patterns, the planet should be cooling down, not heating up. Yeah, there are no greenhouse gases and the warming is just a normal planetary cycle.
Newest form of racism that angers me - all Muslims are now associated with terrorism. So now all Protestants are associated with the Klu Klux Klan? People need to step back and realize there are extremists everywhere, and we have them too. Wouldn't you be upset if someone looked at you and saw a white hood?
Mars Inc., conglomerate candy bar maker and increaser of bulges everywhere, has developed an ingenious advertising campaign hitting Australia right now. Their advertising agency wrote a song glorifying Starburst, hired some musicians to perform it, and released it onto the airwaves. Boom, four minute radio spot that plays over and over, and not only that, Mars gets paid every time their commercial runs. "Get Your Juices Going," number 28 on the charts last Tuesday, is the representation of all that is evil. My only quandary is to wonder if this is really any different than Britney Spears or her boy band counterparts.
Coming back around to the big W. sitting in the oral office, Iraq has agreed to allow U.N. weapons inspectors unfettered access to their stockpiles and factories. Bush's response? We still need to go after Saddam, he is an evil dictator the likes of which we haven't seen since Barney ruled the under-6 airwaves with an iron fist. Before Iraq submitted it was going to be a grueling uphill battle to gain international support for military action. Now it will be nearly impossible. This is looking more and more like Operation Get-Me-Reelected.
Martha Stewart. When are they going to lock her up? I don't care if she is guilty of insider trading, she's a cold, unloving women who would eat her own children. She reminds me of Hilary Clinton, senator of our great state. We should be putting Martha away just on the principle that we have all the clever household ideas and steely-eyed women we need.
Airport security is still terrible. It's a little more difficult than before (BEEP, "What is that, oh, that's a gun, OK get on the plane, keep the line moving"), but it's still a joke. I'm not saying we need airtight security, I don't even necessarily want it, but don't claim we're all safe now when we quite obviously are not. There's nothing I hate more than a feeling of false security, especially coming from the dopey looking spokesmen in the Bush administration. Except Attorney General John Ashcroft. He isn't dopey looking, he just reminds me of J. Edgar Hoover prancing around in tights and claiming the Communists are everywhere and they're plotting to take over the nation. As Robin Williams pointed out, John Ashcroft lost his election to a dead man. "Sorry John, the dead man scares me less than you."
One final note, sports-related so most of you can tune out - the Cincinnati Bengals. Boy, you had us fooled. All that hype about what an improved team you were. I actually thought it might be the year you had a winning season, or at least 8-8. Here's a fool-proof plan for making Cincinnati into a contender - spend some money and get a quarterback! Gus Frerrote and Jon Kitna don't deserve even the slightest consideration for a starting job. At least try Akili Smith, you used a number 3 draft choice on him, maybe he'll surprise you!
