When Carl Mosley brought up his DARS report Sunday afternoon, what had been an otherwise dreary return to Buffalo following a vacation in sunny Cancun was brightened by an unexpected surprise on his screen.
"I thought I'd have kids before I'd get that junior/senior science requirement out of the way," said Mosley, a junior civil engineering student at UB. The bright red "NO" on his Degree Audit Reporting System (DARS) report had disappeared, freeing Mosley's fall semester for courses he'd wanted to take since his freshman year.
Although Mosley and many other students consider the removal of a required science course outside their major a blessing, a few have questioned the motives behind the sudden shift in educational policy.
"Conspiracy? Who's Capaldi, who's Black, and why are you calling me?" said Stephen Padroski, a history senior according to a student directory. "I don't read your stupid paper, but I'm pretty sure you're an idiot, and there's no conspiracy."
At a recent meeting, the FSEC, or the "Freemason Society Empirical Consortium" according to sources in an English 101 course, discussed the implications of depriving students of scientific knowledge crucial to resisting the rule of an Orwellian university regime, bent on harvesting students' apathetic gray matter in ways familiar to fans of the movie "The Matrix." Although FSEC Chair Michael Cohen wouldn't comment on specifics, he said the new undergraduate requirements were discussed in what he called an "executive" session.
"I can provide a copy of the handout from Vice Provost Kerry Grant, but it was mostly . what does this have to do with the Taliban?" said Cohen. "I thought you said your name was George Pape?"
Dennis Black, vice president for Student Affairs, returned calls late Tuesday night after refusing an initial request by The Spectrum for a 1 a.m. Monday meeting.
"The process of phasing out the so-called junior-senior science requirement is something that's been discussed for a long time among academic heads," said Black. "The Student-Wide Judiciary and the Chilled Water Plant are not in any way involved."
According to Black, his initial refusal to comment was a matter of "administrative policy," although Black did not specify the administration he referred to.
"Off the record, I'm not exactly comfortable saying something into a tape recorder after looking at a diagram written in marker on a Burger King napkin," said Black. "I couldn't read much of it anyways, with the question marks all over it, and half the words crossed out and replaced with 'shadow.'"
Documents obtained by The Spectrum from the SA office, reconstituted from a paper shredder bin, were unreadable as a whole, but included references to "expanding visions," a need for more "HUGE EVENTS and SPEAKERS," a "complete overhaul" of SA's "communication system," and promise to "protect TAP and EOP."
SA President Christian Oliver declined to comment why TAP and EOP, which according to sources on the Unofficial UB Network Forum are the Temporary Administrative Powers mandate and the Extreme Oppression Policy, were of such importance.
Some students feel the removal of the science requirement is merely the result of student disinterest and aggravation over course choices.
"Maybe [Overlord] Greiner finally got the message that [wholly owned] students were tired of paying for useless classes," said Joanna Knipfel, a media studies sophomore. "I kind of doubt taking something like 'Macroworld 101' is ever going to be of much importance [in liberating students from a future of fascist control]."
Peter Gold, associate dean for general education, Kerry Grant, vice provost for academic affairs, and President William Greiner could not be reached for comment at midnight Tuesday. Provost Elizabeth Capaldi, speaking to police officers near her car in the Capen parking lot, said she was "absolutely frightened, almost into a heart attack" by questions posed to her by The Spectrum after entering her car Tuesday evening.
"For the love of God, I wasn't expecting him to just pop out of my back seat and start yelling about gen-ed requirements," said Capaldi. "I don't know what you can do with him, just get him away from me."
